Sometimes life throws a wrench in your plans. Rather than allow it to wreak havoc, grab a hold of it and adjust some bolts.

I spent the majority of my young adult life co-dependent. It wasn’t until I reached the still-young age of 50 that I started to truly recognize this truth. Looking back, I believe I was a good husband, a good son, and a good friend. It felt good to be what I thought was genuinely good.

Along the way, I learned about co-dependence. It’s a behavior that on the surface can appear to be genuine but as I dug deeper, I discovered a painful truth–self-sacrifice. Putting the needs of others before your own is often in our society seen as valiant and honorable. And, the truth is, we need more giving and more kindness in the world. So, what’s the problem?

When giving and kindness overshadows the needs of the giver the pendulum has swung into the realm of self-sacrifice. I spent many years of my life not uncovering my true self. I thought that feeding my own needs was selfish and I didn’t want to hurt those around me.

This was my struggle. Yours may be entirely different. The similarities, however, tend to revolve around the nature of reoccurring life turmoil. For me–and maybe for you, too–life kept throwing a wrench in the gears and I felt that just as things started to run like a well-oiled machine, things would tend to go awry.

Years later after looking back across my life as a complete canvas, I have discovered some uniformity in the chaos. The wrenches may very well have been put there by my own doing. Why would I cause such stress in my own life? I now view those experiences as my subconscious throwing me a life preserver.

When I finally decided to pick up the wrench and use it to my advantage, I discovered a tool chest I had in my possession that I hadn’t ever used. In other words, I began to recognize the intrusions in my life as signs that I wasn’t walking a path in accordance with my personal truth.

Your personal truth can be difficult to acknowledge. Mostly because such acknowledgment can mean a significant shift may be coming. The good news is that once you begin to truly recognize the wrench as a tool put there by your own subconscious hands, you learn to grab ahold of it much more readily. The shifts, therefore, become less monumental. You begin to see the challenges as opportunities for expansion and as guidance.

Interestingly, when I look at my life as a complete canvas, I also can see patterns where I thought I had nipped my co-dependence in the bud. Then, as the patterns revealed, a new–and maybe lesser–form of the behavior resurfaced. I could see how I might have acknowledged the behavior and grabbed the wrench to make adjustments. But, just as a dial in a shower requires adjustments to find the most suitable temperature, life changes can require ongoing tweaks until you find–and start living–your own truth.

In the winter of 2020, I picked up the wrench once again. I discovered that I had been living a lie. As far back as 2018, I had decided it was time to truly pursue my personal dreams. I had finally decided that those I was seemingly responsible for could manage on their own with my care and concern from afar. I was ready to start living a life that I had always dreamed of which for me was to build a small cabin on a forest property and live simply. For the first time in my life, I found myself completely free to do as I wished with my time and that was my goal. Then, an opportunity presented itself. Spoiler alert: It was a wrench disguised as an opportunity.

I was offered an executive position with a tech start-up founded by a two-time billion-dollar valuation start-up entrepreneur. I was encouraged by friends around me to take the opportunity and so I did.

For a year-and-a-half, I led a team as Chief Marketing Officer for the company. I woke each morning and put on a suit, drove into the center of the metropolis I was living in, and rose to the 21^st floor of a high-rise downtown. My job was to grow the business through marketing and I had a significant upside opportunity to build wealth if I succeeded.

As the company gained momentum, angel investors infused millions of dollars into our vision. But, as often happens with start-ups, we got ahead of our skis. In December of 2019, the enterprise took its last breath and I found myself at a crossroads.

At the time, I believed the demise of the business was the wrench thrown into my life. But, as the dust settled, I discovered the wrench was my acceptance of the opportunity to begin with. I came to believe that the position presented to me and my pursuit of it had steered me away from my truth.

For the next year, I contemplated the experience. I traveled. I assessed the decisions I had made. I dabbled in a relationship that distracted me from my dreams and goals and eventually I woke up. That realization provided me the wisdom and strength to truly focus on my truth.

In the fall of 2020, I drew a line in the sand, stepped across it, and firmly placed my two feet on the ground. I sold my home, and by February all of my belongings were in storage, I had purchased an RV, and had moved onto a friend’s ranch. I had established a level of freedom I had never really gifted myself. I was standing before a wide-open frontier to choose and create the life I had always felt drawn to.

In April that year, I embarked on a journey to find the place I would eventually build my dream and call home. I found that place in the remote mountains of Northern New Mexico and so I put in an offer and made plans to move.

Having spent a great deal of time contemplating the events that have brought me to my truth, I tend to relate the experience to the remodeling of my brain. Reshaping how we think can help us to reinvent our lives. A neuropsychologist might frame the activity as a re-wiring of the brain. Some might even describe it as stepping outside of your brain and looking back and evaluating it as a computer running programs outside of yourself.

The brain is a powerful tool that can either be used in your favor or against you. Part of the re-wiring is to recognize that it does what it does and the best thing you can do for yourself is to recognize that you don’t have to abide by the processing–take action in accordance–nor experience the possible results.

For me, once I stepped over that line in the sand, I essentially proclaimed freedom from co-dependence. I still offer and provide love and kindness and give of myself to those around me. Yet, in doing so, I maintain a clear view of my truth. I give of myself without making self-sacrifice and those who receive my giving do so genuinely according to the power I hold by ensuring my personal wellbeing.

In July of 2021, I closed escrow on a tract of land with a tiny three-season log hunter’s cabin in the forest. I embarked on a journey to renovate the cabin and add a small addition. As I pursued my dream, new chapters of my truth unveiled themselves. I found the love of my life who shared a similar dream and who mirrors back to me love and kindness that reflected the truth I embraced. The community around me embraced my dream and rolled up their sleeves to help. I found myself immersed in nature where I had always felt the most comfortable.

As I write, I sit beside my pellet stove and a tree adorned with twinkling lights. An auburn flame flickers from the glass front window and warm air blows from the heat vents. Flurries drift on the wind out the window and collect on the needles of the mighty pines surrounding my tiny cabin. There is a sense of peace resonating around the room and through my body. My mind is at peace.

Life, if you allow it, can be simple. It takes a concerted effort to choose simplicity. It must be voluntary and it takes time to shift. Allowing your truth to shine can be as refreshing as a Sunray breaking through a gray cloudy sky. The truth will cascade down and blanket all that surrounds you. It will rest on your own shoulders and warm your body, rest your mind, and feed your soul. To flow in harmony with your personal truth is to flow in the frequency of your meaning of life. Having reshaped your view of the wrenches they become necessary tools for the remodeling of life and the truth of who you are is revealed.